As published in Motherwell Magazine.

Unlike so many of my peers, I didn’t fall in love with my grandchild at first sight. It was a slower process for me, a process of watching her turn into a real person, one who smiles, and laughs, gets my jokes (even though they’re still non-verbal at this point), sits on my lap and reads (or better yet, sits on her own little chair and reads), and just does all the things that make her stand out as her own self. Now THAT’s something to fall in love with.

No, my immediate love went to my son. Watching him turn into a father happened so quickly. He left in the middle of the night still a kid, a skateboarding, snowboarding, weed-smoking kid, albeit a 29-year-old one. He walked back in the house a few days later, hauling a car seat with a tiny baby bundled inside, a grownup dad. He and his wife (really his fiancé—wedding date is next summer) took to parenting on day one. In those early days of bottle washing, diaper changing, night waking, they shared responsibilities equally with no complaints. I had been so worried about their ability to handle the stress of a screaming, sleepless baby but, it turns out, I needn’t have worried. They were up to the job.

They made rules. Lots of them. My son doesn’t let our 15-month-old granddaughter watch TV. No screen time at all at this point. He read somewhere that screen time can contribute to autism in babies, so that’s out. It’s ironic because he loved to watch TV and play video games as a kid. He and his partner established a sleep schedule for her as early as they could and they rarely stray from it. She gets a bath every night at 7 pm and goes to bed right after. She stays there until 7 or 8 the next morning. This amazes me. My son himself was a baby insomniac and doesn’t sleep well to this day. Who knew a strict sleep routine might have helped? Who knew my freewheeling son could even stick to a routine as an adult? They don’t play with her every second either. They let her play by herself. They put up a giant circular gate which encompasses most of their living room and leave her to it. They don’t leave her unattended by they do leave her to her own devices. As a result, she sits on her own and reads books, plays imaginatively with toys, and occupies herself with no problem. I can’t believe it. I thought my kids needed my constant attention or they’d grow bored or “unstimulated” or something. I guess I was wrong.

In fact, I respect my son and his partner’s parenting skills. They listen to their pediatrician, do the reading, and follow through with what they consider the best advice. Some of the advice is astounding to me. Did you know babies have to sleep on their backs now? Yes, there is a whole new generation of flat-headed babies coming up but let’s not talk about that. And they don’t eat baby food anymore. They feed themselves real food, as early as they can pick up a slice of avocado and stuff it in their mouths. Why they don’t choke more, or how they get adequate nutrition, is still a mystery to me but let’s not talk about that either. I don’t talk about the things I don’t understand with them. What’s the point? I see them so conscientiously trying to be the best parents they can be, and I appreciate that. What do I really know, anyway?

Yes, I did raise three children. Did I do everything right? Of course not. My kids had me wrapped around their fingers. I lay in bed with them until they fell asleep. Sometimes I had to crawl out of the room on all fours so I wouldn’t be spotted leaving. Not the most dignified parenting act. I stayed at home with them and catered to them an awful lot. But I did do some things right. We read to them, and with them, well into their early teens. We took them hiking, listened to their complaints and bribed them with cookies along the way. We took them camping, gave up the bedtime drill and sat by the campfire into the late hours. They loved camping trips, and they love wildlife and nature as a result. Once we took a road trip and drove all the way across the country with them—this as a family who typically couldn’t drive to the grocery store without a fight. It was one of our best vacations ever. They all love road trips now.

I see my son and his partner doing the same sort of things with their daughter and it just melts me. They read to her every night. They take her hiking and camping almost every weekend. They’ve taught her to water the flowers in their garden. They strap her in her car seat and go exploring. They do all the things we did with our kids and more. Wow, I think. My kid actually learned something from us. And now I’m learning something from him. I wouldn’t want it any other way.—By Julia Salmon